Like Mother, Like Daughter

Daughters, our mothers influence us in a variety of ways. But have you ever considered it in respect to diet? Three mums and their daughters* shared their feelings about diet, food and body image with health and nutrition writer Kelly James-Enger.

Gloria Pennington and Juliet Pennington-Matte

Gloria, over 50; mother of Carter, 38, Juliet, 37, and Adam, 33.

My mother is Armenian and a wonderful cook. Food was always an integral part of family life. With my children, I cooked the same way she did—“sit-down dinners every night and celebrate with food. While I always prepared balanced meals, I realise that the portions we ate were quite large.

Juliet Pennington-Matte, 37, mother of twins Amanda and Nicole, 10, and Tyler, 7.

I’ve always liked food, especially “junk food.” Growing up, dinnertime was family time. My mum is an amazing cook, and always prepared more than enough. We’d eat and talk and eat and talk, having three or four helpings.

Lynn Kline and Micki Hendricks

Lynn Kline, 57, mother of Micki, 32.

I was slender size 8 as a young woman, and even drank milkshakes to try to add some curve, but my weight always stayed around 35 to 40 kilos. Then, when I worked as a beautician in my late 20s, I developed an allergy to the chemicals. Cortisone controlled the allergy, but I ballooned. I went from a size 8 to size 18 in six months!

Micki Hendricks, 32, mother of Taylor, 5, and Jared, 2.

It was during my seventh or eighth grade that I became self-conscious about my body and decided to lose weight. By the time I’d finished, I’d lost about 10 kilos. I ate one small meal a day and exercised constantly. I even took diuretics to keep from gaining weight.

I was an average eater as a child. but when I went to uni my roommates and I would stay up studying. We would raid the snack-food machines and eat as many as five snack bars! That's when I first began eating out of anxiety for fun, rather than hunger. My weight stayed stable until my early 40s. I had my last child at 39 and never lost all of my baby weight. Then I noticed that I was gaining a kilo each month, so I dieted for a while, but noe that I'm older, I prefer to eat smaller portions and less sugar, and be more active. Being thinner and attractive is still important, but I don't want to make the sacrifices. It's easy to open the fridge and pull something out without thikning about why I'm doing it, and I still eat sweets when I'm stressed. But when that happens, I don't beat myself up over it. I think my daughters have pretty good eating habits, although Kelly has always had more of a "carbohydrate attraction," like me. We are both active and can still enjoy eating and still maintain a healthy weight. I knew Kelly had gained weight at uni, but I never knew she was bulimic until recently.

Kelly James-Enger, 33, no children.

I've always been a picky eater. I ate my salads and baked potatoes plain, and I didn't like meat or vegetables. I inherited my mum's sweet tooth, and would hide sweets in my bedroom. It was in high school that I started bingeing, mostly on junk food, and gained about two or three kilos. I thought about taking laxatives before a binge to prevent me from gainging weight. I tried it "just this one." It was the beginning of a nightmare. I did the binge-laxaties routine two or three times a week right through uni. Ironically, it didn't prevent me from gaining weight - I put on 20 kilos. I contanstantly tried to diet, but always wound up bingeing and purging within days. When I felt depressed or anxious, or lonely or frustrated, I'd eat. In my final year of uni, I decided to quit trying to diet and focus on just being healthier. Once I began eating more nomally, bingeing became less frequent. Over time, I learned other, healthier ways of coping with my feelings and eventually lost most of the extra weight. Today Mum and I joke about our mutual chocoalte addiction, but she never realised that I was sick. While I haven't binged in years, I still turn to food when I'm anxious of bord - and I still love sweets. While I don't "diet", I do try to eat healthfully. My husband and I want to have a baby, and I want my body to be strong and diet for pregnancy. And, if we have a daughter I want her to see food as merely nice-tasting fuel for her body, not an emotional crutch.

How To Be A Positive Role Model To A Daughter

Mothers have powerful influence on their daughters' eating habits and attitudes to food as well as their bodies, says nutritional counsellor Nan Fuchs, PhD, author of Overcoming the Legacy of Overeating: How to Change your Negative Eating Patterns. Each set of mum and daughters can learn from their experiences, she says.

Gloria and Juliet

Lyn and Micki

Kathleen and Kelly

Set An Example

To be a positive role model for a daughter, be aware of the messages you send. "Children learn about specific food from the foods their mothers serve; they also learn about how to relate to their bodies by observing the way their mothers relate to theirs," says Fuchs. If you skip breakfast, your daughter will think that it's OK to go without. And if you often complain about your body or comment that you need to lose weight, she will get a message that her body needs improving too. "All children are deaf," says Fuchs. "They don't do what you say; they do what you do."

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*These are real names; these are real stories