Raising Beautiful Girls

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In a 2004 survey of thousands of women from 10 countries, only 2 per cent described themselves as beautiful. It’s time we rethink, redefine and reeducate ourselves and others about the meaning of real beauty.

It starts with me

“If outer appearance is important to you and out of balance, chances are you have passed the same mindset on to your daughter,” says Vicki Courtney, author and speaker on issues of self-worth in young women. So unless we, as parents, have a healthy perspective on beauty, we will contribute to our girls buying into the narrow idea that beauty is all about one’s physical appearance.

Real beauty is feeling secure in our gender identity, knowing that we are created in the image of the God of the universe and are His masterpieces (Ephesians 2:10).

Redefining beauty starts with embracing our uniqueness and enjoying who we are as individuals 

We need to re-educate ourselves and our girls Dr Seuss style: “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no-one alive who is you-er than you.” Stick that quote on your mirror, look yourself in the eye and say it out loud each morning.

Negative comments about our own appearance or that of other women are not harmless. Bite back the comparisons and the gossip. Any jealous or resentful response toward physically beautiful women are a reflection of our own insecurities.

We shouldn’t slay other women with our words. Being a woman isn’t a competition. Instead, we should encourage and inspire each other to greatness. 

 Inspire and Empower

According to Dr Anita Gurian, a clinical assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry, “It is within the family that a girl first develops a sense of who she is and who she wants to become. Parents armed with knowledge can create a psychological climate that will enable each girl to achieve her full potential. Parents can help their daughters avoid developing, or overcome, negative feelings about themselves and grow into strong, self-confident women.”

Being a woman shouldn’t be only

Our daughters are inspired when, as mothers, we try out their skateboard, start a mud fight or get our doctorate. Teach them to change a car tyre and kill spiders. Make sure they know how to mow the lawn, use power tools and play sports. No job should be out of reach for our girls if God has gifted them and we’ve empowered them.

Don’t limit their choices. Encourage them in maths, buy them a chemistry set and take them to a football game. Make the family a safe and empowering place to grow confident girls who feel beautiful inside and out.

Children build inner strength when they fail at something, but first it requires letting them try. When we—especially dad or big brother— help our girls all the time or over- protect them, they can feel incapable or incompetent and think that women must always rely on men.

When the lid won’t come off the jam jar or there’s a desk to assemble, encourage them to find a way to solve the problem themselves. Every time they accomplish something difficult or new, it builds them up at a deeper level and prepares them to jump back up when life knocks them down. 

We should encourage our daughters to “try before they rely”; to have stamina and to use their brains. When we smash stereotypes and encourage our girls to try out their wings, they’ll radiate strength and beauty. 

Protecting and Moulding

We know that the media bombards us with images of girls and women who’ve spent several hours in the make-up chair with a dozen stylists. Digital touch-ups and enhancements almost always take place

before anything is published. But we need to do more than acknowledge these facts. We need to educate and protect their minds and hearts.

On average, a child sees between 20,000 and 40,000 television commercials a year. According to The Butterfly Foundation (an organisation that helps young people deal with eating disorders), children are constantly bombarded with images about how they should look